positively happy

I have had some severe writers block the last few days. I can't think of much to write about and nothing that seems all that interesting. All I know is I am single for the first time in 6 years, I want to go out and have a good time with friends, I am cooking like my name should be Betty, and I am missing having night owls around me. Things right now are pretty good. :)

One thing about myself is that I really strive to be a positive person. I try to be a positive influence in my friends and family's lives. I get offended pretty easily, but can get over it just as easily given 5+ minutes. I'm a huge baby when it comes to pain, but when it comes to life? No matter how bleak things look, I try to stay positive. I am a big believer in you get out of life what you put out there. So if you emit nothing but negativity, bad things will happen more often than if you were to put out a lot of positivity.

I also feel like whoever you surround yourself with is who and how you will become as well. So if you have jealous, lying, negative friends, they WILL rub off on you. If you have a friend who is always negative, chances are (even if just around this friend) you will become more negative too. If someone is emotional and all drama, their problems will leak into your life and cause you issues.

Choose your company wisely. Don't miss those who are these negative influences that you have to cut ties with. (Easier said than done) Life is about looking forward to what is to come, and be happy about what is. What is the point in constantly complaining about what isn't? I get that there are big issues that are really difficult to deal with, and sometimes a good bitch session is needed, some days are just off days, but stay positive and great things will come to you!

It can always be worse, but it isn't. You have what you need and who you need, which is more than wonderful. You are making it, living life, what could really be that wrong to let it ruin your day?

I wish I could just share the feeling of positivity I have in me. I really hope that I rub off on my friends and family. It is just such a happy feeling to be positive, and I wish only for this for everyone. Despite where their lives are on their "timeline/blue print" or what bad thing may just have happened, I wish for everyone to have that positive attitude no matter what life chucks at them, for everyone to be positively happy!

Random Things I Love

I love a lot of things and felt the urge to put them down in a list. (This may quite possibly be a list entirely consisting of food...) ;)

My son- pretty big no brainer. He is an awesome kid who is wicked smart and a social butterfly. He has a pretty cool sense of humor for a three year old, and can make me laugh no matter what. He is a loving little boy and knows how to compliment a girl!

Cooking food for people I love- once I get over the initial fear of cooking for someone new. I love being able to make something they will enjoy and appreciate.

Cleaning- not particularly the actual act, but the feeling afterward. I love love love a clean and decluttered space.

Sleeping with the windows wide open when it is cold out!!-I honestly love when it is like 45 out and I have all of my blankets and pillows with me nested in them. I can't sleep when I am hot.

Reading a great book while I am tanning-I love to read anyway, but doing it while getting a great tan can't be beat!

Carbs-they will be the death of me. I love pasta. I love bread. I love it all!!

Meat-I was quasi-vegetarian for a while (10 years) and once I went back to eating meat, I fell in love. I love ribs, steak, burgers, chicken, fish, any and all animals that we eat. I am pretty sure I love.

Cracking my knuckles before bed-it has been my routine for many years and I can't sleep without doing it. It's like releasing all stress from the day.

Children's movies-I luckily have a child, but guaranteed I would still watch kids movies even if he weren't here.

Queso- those of you who have known me for a while know I have had a slight obsession with this awful fake delicious sauce since childhood.

Pretty eyes-I'm an eyes girl.

Thunderstorms-I think most people would agree, they are so amazing.

My friends!-All amazing in so many ways.

My family-they drive me nuts, are a little mentally "different", but they are my family.

People-I love to be social and hangout with everyone!

Walks in parks/hiking/nature-nature is pretty awesome, immersing yourself once in a while is a must!

Being positive-Is there any other way to be? :)

Forgiveness is Overrated

Now I am somewhat of a walking contradiction. I look for the best in people and then am so surprised when I always get burned. I refuse to watch the news anymore, because all I see is evil in the world. But when it comes to my own relationships, I tend to ignore the bad and only focus on the good. My remedy to this malady is pretty simple. Fool me once-go Fuck yourself.

I have a bad habit of letting people in and trusting them (to varying degrees, but the trust is always given) and then basically set myself up to be hurt by these assholes of the world. There are some exceptions to the rule, but for the most part I don't deal with people who have done me wrong in the past. I don't see a problem with this, and find it a perfectly suitable way of life. I get to move on with mine without the draining influence of these negative people and they get to find some other sucker to take advantage of or hurt.

Some may call me jaded or say I have a giant chip on my shoulder. I say I am smart and know when to cut my losses. I don't enjoy being taken advantage of or walked all over. I don't see how that is such a terrible thing. I like boundaries. I like rules. I like knowing people know all of mine. Break my rules or cross my boundary. Well, let's just say don't do it.

I am the absolute nicest person in the world. I love my friends, I love my crazy family, I do things for people, I will go the extra mile for everyone I possibly can do it for. I will spend my last dollar on you, clothe you, feed you, spend time with you.... I will do just about anything for you. All I ask is to not lie to me/about me, not make any judgement until you know the whole story, cheat on me, steal from me, or in any way shape or form be mean to me/my friends/most importantly MY SON. Show some appreciation for what I do for you and maybe even give a little back. THATS IT! Pretty simple, right?

So how is it so hard for some people to believe this is how I live? I don't sit here and obsess over the few who have betrayed me in the past! I stay hurt for a while, then move on like they don't exist. I find it funny that people claim if you don't forgive you will carry it around for the rest of your life. To those people. Maybe you should stop fucking people over, and you wouldn't feel the need to get people's forgiveness. Chew on that for a while!

Life lately

I am having a lot of fun lately! I get to hang out with my friends and answer to only myself. (and of course my wonderful roomie!) I have no one else's feelings to take into account and the freedom to make whatever plans I please. The last 6 years were a whole lot of "Well, how would he feel about this?" I am so happy to not have to think like that right now. Even if I were to get into a relationship sometime in the near future, my independence is something I refuse to lose again. I have trips in the works for Vermont, Mexico, and Vegas/LA. I figured that I might change my declaration of major to something more writing based. (Not as much math as Nutrition would require.) I have stuff to buy, people to see, and places to go! Life right now is pretty darn good.

I am absolutely loving being a roommate to Crystal. She is neat, healthy, and overall just a spectacular friend. We went grocery shopping together today, and were on the same exact wave length on what we wanted to buy. (The most processed item we bought was balsamic vinaigrette! Yay for another healthy eater!) We can hang out and watch movies together, go to the pool, out to eat, cook at home, whatever... It is basically like a domestic partnership. :)

Owen is spectacular to bring around people, he totally shines when he is around more than two people at a time. He is funny, polite, and a sneaky little guy. (He begged for more pickles today to a third person and got more, when asked what he was eating the little bugger said carrots!)

Life is good right now, first time in a long time I have been able to say that and feel confidant it was totally true. I am back to my positive glass-totally-way-full self.

Funny enough, however, I have discovered being single and getting attention from guys makes me even more uncomfortable than being in a relationship and getting attention. At least I had a built in excuse for my polite refusal of whatever terrible come on that got thrown my way. Usually, it has to be pretty blatant for me to even notice what is happening, or I totally don't even see it. I am getting more attention than I have the last 6 years, so I attribute that to my happiness level!

One thing on my list of things to learn how to do is date. Funny enough, I have no clue what that even is. I had always gotten in serious relationships way to fast. I think it would be fun to date? Haha, I guess I don't know if it is or not, but I would like to give it a go.

I love my friends, I love my son, I love my living situation, I love love love love love life lately!

Living Life

Over the last few weeks I've expressed want for a relationship I was and had lost many of the positive feelings for. I think I was partially in denial about how far gone we were. As painful as us having broken up a couple months ago was, I am happy for the experience. I was able to really find myself again and realize how much of myself I lost. I know I have "waffled" back and forth about whether or not to be with him. Having learned some things last week that happened after we broke up, I don't think it is possible. Those who talk to me and have been there for me know that my feelings have slowly turned toward not wanting the relationship anymore over the course of the last month. I am just so concerned with others and how they feel, I often ignore my own and base my actions on what would make them happy. I am no longer in denial about what I want or don't want in this moment.

The only thing I want to concentrate on now is living life, and making me happy. My life has always been about others and putting them first. For once, I think I am going to put me first. It is still hard to do so, but oh so liberating at the same time. It is a strange concept to not be a door mat for once in my life, but I am so happy I am on my way to a stronger more independent me.

I am happy to be away from negative people. You are who you surround yourself with, and for the past 6 years of my life I have been an insecure, negative, angry person. Well, no more! Those of you who know me and have for many years, know I shy away from anything that would require confrontation or negative feelings and try to stay upbeat. I am always willing to help a friend and be there for them no matter what. I love to go out and be social, I talk an insane amount, and have the attention span of a flea! :)

This is the girl I am getting back to. Living life, happy, independent, and secure.

With each passing day,
theres even more brilliance than the last,
the watercolor sky,
more beautiful than any in the past,

You look in their eyes,
deepest pools of blue,
searching, staring, probing,
inside your soul-inside of you,

A little smile and laugh,
eyes go shyly down,
it's these little moments,
that hold you to the ground,

Time passes slowly,
in the moment time stands still,
perfect harmonious connection,
missing them until....

Each minute is like hours,
Each moment is a day,
the happiness in your heart,
you know'll always remain.

Life's Simplest Choice

Life is all about choices. Everyone knows that, but I feel most rarely think about it in the simplest of forms. How we feel, our outlook on life, whether we see good or bad in situations, these are all the easiest choices we can make on a day to day basis.

I discovered this phenomenon of being able to control how I feel (in most cases) about certain things in my life. You can choose to see only negative, or you can choose to see both negative and positive. You can concentrate on what’s wrong, or you can decide to see what’s right.

Let’s take for example, a hypothetical relationship that is troubled. A half a dozen terrible conflicts, and probably three times as many smaller disputes. The two people grew to resent the other, and they only concentrated on what was wrong. Now take those same two people and tell them to think of the good in their relationship, about what they love about the other. Tell them to come up with their favorite memory with that person. Tell them to reminisce about the first time they met, their first date, and their first kiss. It is hard to stay negative when you think about the positive.

My point today is this. Thinking positive brings you positive things. You will be happier and more content with life. You will come off as happier to the people around you and they will appreciate the happy vibe they get from you. Life is what we make it. If we only put out negativity, then chances are negative things will happen. A vicious cycle of self induced pain. It’s your choice, in your control.

Sometimes it is hard, I’m by no means saying you can control the way you feel all of the time. But being happy is 100% totally a conscious decision. If you are an unhappy person and always have been, change your thought process. There will be those dog days when you just can’t help but be depressed or sad. But the rest of your life is a blank page in which you write your own story.

Choose a romance novel, not a tragedy. Choose an exciting fun filled adventure, not a sad desperate depressing novel.

As I said last night to my good friend, grab the bull by it’s balls, not it’s horn- and dominate that bitch! Your choice!

I really am trying to go at life with this “I will positive the hell outta you so I get positive back” attitude. I just think that if I keep a good outlook on every situation and keep my head up so many great things can happen for me.