Dreams

I have always been prone to strange dreams. I often dream I am someone other than myself, I am almost always running for my life, and can change "characters" mid dream. It sometimes can be very relevant to my life other times, I have no idea why or how it would tie into my life- how my brain is problem solving. So here are some things I have thought about recently about my dreams.

Once when I was probably 12 I dreamt my Mom and I were in a cave walking with our dog Gypsy. We then came upon a troll who was going to throw some dust on Gypsy and turn her into a statue because she was starting to take a poo on It's cave floor. So my Mom somehow then had a car floor mat and threw it under Gypsy. She consequently got the dust thrown on her and was turned into a statue... See? So weird.

Once when I was 19, I all night dreamt about the death of my Dad. I was obviously distraught, and the funeral walked to this beautiful waterfall and we threw something into it. It was green and amazingly perfect. But I was crying when I woke up and cried for an hour until I called my Dad to see if he was ok.

Before I had Owen I would dream of being pregnant. Like from the age of 13 I would dream about going into labor...

More often than not I will dream about people I have never met. Sometimes I am those people in my dream.

I can realize I am dreaming quite often and then control certain things, but sometimes I can't. Like when I am being chased, which makes it even scarier! But usually when I know I am dreaming I make myself fly!

I can feel pain in my dreams. I know because I have been shot by a gun at least twice.

I have many many times dreamt about certain situations that have actually then happened years later. The one I refer to most is when I got kicked out of class in 7th grade math by Mr. Tolefsbol when I was laughing at Jj Coughlin's being a smart ass under his breath.. Other times it is an unimportant conversation or situation that I had randomly dreamt about years before.

I always try to eat in my dreams but never can. I will have a feast in front of me and I am always just about to put the first bite in my mouth and I wake up. It's horrible.

I am sure there are more things I could write. But for now I Have to attend to my son!!

I'm Engaged!!

Sunday march 13th 2011. 3:40 pm. My wonderful boyfriend of 2 years and best friend of almost 5 years asked me to marry him. This is how it happened.

I was ironically attending a bridal shower for my to be sister-in-law's impending nuptials. We had finished watching the Pampered Chef Demo and were ordering items for Ali and eating some brunch. I got a text message from Andy...
Andy: Whats your favorite kind of girl scout cookies? 1:29 pm
Me: Samoas or thin mint 1:30 pm
Andy: I have a surprise for you :) 1:39 pm
Me: Haha. I wonder what it could be?! 1:39 pm
Andy: You'll never guess. 1:40 pm
Me: :) 1:41 pm

I left the shower a little after 3 pm and texted to tell him I was going to take a nap as I had attended Ali's bachelorette party the night before and needed some rest before picking up Munchkin. I wanted to nap in a bed but not in our big bed alone, I have a hard time falling asleep in it by myself. So I went into Owen's room and decided to nap in his twin size bed. I fell asleep for about 15 minutes when all of a sudden Andy was in the doorway asking why iI was sleeping in Owen's bed. I explained why, half asleep. Andy said well you should come out and get your surprise and give me a kiss. Now I was mad at him for waking me up and said "NO! You come here if you want a kiss!!" But he walked out of the room so I decided to get out of bed and be nicer.

Andy was just putting the box of thin mints behind his back and stood in front of me and asked if I was ready. I said yes, still of course thinking I was only getting cookies. (Don't get me wrong, I wanted those cookies BAD)
He handed me the box and his hands were shaking badly, I asked if he was ok and he replied "Yeah I'm fine why?" He played it off so well I thought he was just that hungry from not having eaten today yet. I said thank you and went to set the box down, but he said "You should eat a cookie now!"
I said OK, and looked at the box. It had already been opened and I looked at him again. His face gave away that something was going on and I started to get very nervous. I opened the box of cookies and nestled in the top of the package was a little blue box. I got so nervous and was so surprised I exclaimed something and grabbed it out of the cookie box. Andy dropped to his knee and asked me to marry him. I kneeled down next to him and said YES! and we hugged for a few minutes straight.

The ring is perfect. Exactly what I pictured my ring to be in my mind, the proposal was so us. He got me a nice surprise, something I had been talking about. It was creative and so heartfelt. I am still in a state of shock and awe! I am so happy to be engaged to be married to my best friend and the love of my life. My son loves my ring too, he said it was beautiful, and we all know kids don't lie about stuff like that. ;)

To answer some questions, fall wedding in a couple to a few years. We would like time to save for the wedding!! Taylors, I am so honored and blessed to be allowed an opportunity to become a part of your family and I love you all so much!!

IMMM ENGGAAGGEEDDD!!!!

Things I want to buy!

I am of course procrastinating writing a 6-8 page paper that is due on Saturday. I only have one page done... I have successfully dodged it all night by facebooking, watching 24 season 8 episodes 15-17, playing family feud on facebook, and now this. :)

I am, as most of us are, anxiously awaiting those wonderful little checks that come in the mail this time of year-the tax refund. Cue angelic singing in the background. I have a huge list of stuff I want to buy and trips I want to take. 


~The first thing I am doing is setting aside some money to go to Vegas next year for my little brother Dan's 21st birthday! It will be my first time and I am so excited!


~Secondly I am (if I have the money by then, cross your fingers) going to pay for hair and makeup, nails and new shoes for Ali's wedding. Then I don't have to dip into my normal paycheck for it.


~Picture/paintings for our walls. I am slowly but surely making this a more grown up place by hanging things on the walls. I have some pictures and an art project I made when I was in the 4th grade my mom had framed and gave to me for Christmas. :) Now I want to get some paintings or something!


~Steam cleaner for carpets. I own two cats and am wildly allergic, if I had a steam cleaner I think it would help, plus I've seen one in action (shout out to Lizifer lol) and it is SO COOOL!


~New shoes/boots. I'm a girl. What can I say?


~Accessories for my phone like a screen cover and a protective casing. I drop things A LOT.


~Something special for Ali and B-rad for their pending nuptials. But again it depends on if I get my checks by then!!


~Contacts. I have been wearing the same pair for like 6 months at least. They are bi-weekly contacts. I am going to go blind soon from old contacts! I want to go green again. :)


~Workout shoes and clothes. I need new shoes and you can never have too many workout outfits when you go 5x a week! Mixing it up would be a nice luxury. 


~Car wash. Sadly. I have not in the year I have had my car gotten it washed. I am so paranoid it will be wet out as soon as I get it washed so I just never do it!


~Family pictures. I want a cute family portrait of Owen, Andy, and myself professionally done. Owen usually gets his done around this time of year anyway, so it will work time line wise for year marks in age. I wanna go all out and have color themes and matching outfits!


~Curtains. Going back to trying to turn this into a grown up home. Curtains seems grown up!


~New swimsuit for Owen. We are going to be swimming a lot this summer, we have a pool here! So does his Aunt Ali, Aunt Melissa, and some of the Lifetimes. But his little strong man swimsuit is getting too tight.


~New cat litter boxes with covers.... Not much explanation needed right?


~Going to see Kevin (Andy's friend) in Iowa and get some Dunkin Donuts and some pizza. :)

~Milwaukee to visit Andy's cousin and see the town. Rahny is a radio station personality there.

~Cookie sheets. I had two at Andy's apt before we moved. Mysteriously ended up with none when we got here. (My midget oven was too little, they wouldn't fit!)

~Underwater Adventures/Camp Snoopy with Owen. (It's Camp Snoopy to me...)

~Valley Fair for me and Andy

~Two full days of eating at the State Fair.

I am sure there is more, but that is all (haha) that I can think of right now. It is a big list, but I don't think the things are unreasonable. I have to make sure to get Melissa the money to hold onto for Dan's birthday so I can't spend it, pay off 1/2 of the TV, then disperse the money accordingly.... There is just so much I want!


Oh sorry Philosophy paper... It is bedtime. maybe tomorrow!!

The Love I Have

Growing up I was told a lot that I wasn't able to love properly. I was told I could never have a good close relationship with anyone, I was broken. I'm happy to report that the person (my Mother) who told me that and maintains that she is still correct in that opinion, is and has always been wrong. I can love just fine, I love my family and my friends. A lot. Without them I would be a small miserable human being. I love being there as much as I can for them and I love the happiness we can bring to each other. Relationships are challenging for me, but not impossible.

What made me think about this is the moments I have when I am looking at Andy or Owen and I am overwhelmed with how much they mean to me and how much I love them. Andy and I can be having a regular old conversation about nothing special and all of a sudden BAM it hits me. It is the best feeling I have ever had in my life. I love my friends so much too. There are moments when things happen that I'd like to strangle them, but overall the friends I talk to, hang out with, and who make time for me are supportive. They do not judge. They are wonderful human beings and I feel lucky to have them! I feel lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend and a super adorable and smart son.

I love my family too. My crazy, unhinged, weird family. I love my Mother despite her throwing away a brand new pair of sneakers I bought my son because they "looked small", or insisting on putting diapers on him and giving him a bottle (OH YES, a BOTTLE for a THREE year old) for his naps when I am trying to potty train him. I love her because despite all her crazy she has, when it really mattered, been there for me. She has stuck by my side through a lot of stuff, a lifetime of issues and she has remained dedicated to trying to ensure I am safe and secure. I have been unclear and angry with God about why He chose  her. Why her? We drive each other CRAZY. She does a lot of mean and kind of insane things. We are oil and water. Ammonia and Bleach. Spicy food and a Nordic person... But recently, I realized all the time and effort she has put into me. Yes, she did a lot of it to try to make me into the person she thought I should be. But the fact of the matter is, she has probably thousands of hours invested into me and my wellbeing. I mean, most people probably would not have tried as long as she has. So, the thought occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, God planned it this way. Not to teach me a lesson about tolerance or my Mother about giving up some control. No lessons. Just the fact that Judy, despite her short comings, is a strong dedicated person with a crazy iron will. If she wants it, you'd better watch out.

So. The moral of this story is that I love. I love probably more than anyone else I know. I love my Mom, which trust me, take a lot. (Plus don't get me wrong there are still a lot of days when I totally hate her...) Loving my friends, Taylor family, Andy and Owen is easy. But I have so much freaking love in me and it makes me happy!

To be loved is a gift, but even greater is the ability to love back.

Growing up is fun isn't it?