Families... Suck sometimes.

I write this with the full expectation that anyone who reads this has nothing in common with me when it comes to their family dynamics. They weren't 2nd generation adoptees, the only girl of 4 kids, the youngest, with an overbearing opinionated woman who has never accepted them. Whoa, that's a lot...

I am pretty upset today over a culmination of things primarily having to do with my Mother and her bag of crazy. I should have learned by now this is the way she is and accept it, but honestly. It is hard to comprehend someone just being the way she is naturally.

Don't get me wrong, I love my Mother and constantly/stupidly seek her approval. We are totally like when they say "oil and water don't mix." it should have a picture of us together next to that saying on wiki...
I love my brothers despite not knowing any of them as people and it pains me they are complacent to not having a relationship with me outside of T,C, and E. (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter) The three days a year we all get together and have uncomfortable small talk for a few hours before I find it unbearable and leave. I try not to let this stuff get me down, and I usually try to keep my griping to a minimum, but today I am just so tired of it all. I wish I had a close family, I wish I wasn't the black sheep, and I wish my family was more accepting/loving/nice and less judgmental/chauvinistic/self-righteous/mean.

The most frustrating thing about this family of mine, is that it is my own personal beliefs about "family" that keep me tied to them. I believe family is your support and your last ditch-when-you've-got-no-one-else-to-go-to. I believe that family is not like friends, we don't choose who our family is, which means despite what we may agree or disagree on, we are always there for our family thick or thin. We don't just stop talking to them because we are different people with different views on life and how to live it. That is my frustration with families tonight, that mine drives me nuts and makes me cry a lot. But despite all the pain and how wildly delusional they can be, they are mine and I am theirs. We are who we are, in this case we are the Regan's, regardless of us not being very close and the fact we disagree on 99% of all things comprehendible, tangible, intangible, Godly, and ungodly.

So I guess the thing that is making me so mad is that no matter how angry I get, no matter how long I don't talk to them or see them, no matter what. We are family, and that will never change. So I suffer through it, and hope this gets me major brownie points with the Big Guy. Families totally suck sometimes, but like I said. you don't choose your family... That has to mean something.